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  • Mother in Laws...

    Im puttiing this under health cos its going to affect my health....worrying about it..

    couple of friends and i were talking about kids..grandkids family relationships...and it seems to be the norm that they are very much closer to their daughters kids than their sons kids....none have obviously any apparent problems with their daughter in laws...but seems the daughter in laws gravitate towards their own families...now......heres whats worrying me...i have a very very close relationship with my daughters, son in law and i see the grandkids every friggin day......but my son im very close with too...but im worried..if he gets into a relationship is he automatically going to jump ship to the other family....will i be able to generate a close relationship with his partner, will i see his children regularly i would certainly want the same kind of relationship with his kids as with any of my daughters kids........most of my friends dont seem to have a very close relationship with their mother in laws either?????

    am i being daft? are boys just that other bit more different to girls?

  • #2
    Don't think you need worry Helen! My opinion is that mothers in general and Irish in particular think the sun shines out of their sons posteriors, so daughter in laws, without even realising it tend to widen the gap between mother and son. I know in my own case I have on many occasions pulled up my son for little things that I felt he was out of line in saying/doing so my D I L knows that I am probably more likely to take her side if need be, she knows that I think she is a wonderful girl and that I thoroughly admire her patience!!! The result is that the kids are just as likely to be brought to me as to her Mams...it helps that her Mam does not live too far away so we usually both get a visit n the same day!

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    • #3
      Have to say I had a fantastic relationship with all of mine ( 2 girls and one boy ) and Tony my son and I were as close as could be until he marrried his now wife ...........There are allways comparisons made between her Mum and I even though we are both from Dublin ....like for instance her Mum went to private school.....didn't have to live in a Corporation House etc etc ........allways had money for treats for her children ......We very rarely speak to one another anymore and when we do Tony is very guarded in what he says to us .......They never visit any more and Tony seldom speaks to either of his sister's one of them is his twin ......I am aware of many more relationships like ours that have broken down and its really sad ......I have a big heart and there is allways room for one more if my DIL ever decides that We are good enough in the meantime we are very lucky as the Girl's and their Children adore us as do their Husbands ......my Son on the other hand has not got any Family as yet perhaps one day .....alas .....I live in hope ......
      Last edited by Deirdre; 15-04-2010, 11:43 PM.

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      • #4
        thanks girls for giving me your input....deirdre im really sad to hear your situtation but it seems to be the norm for some reason......my daughter doesnt have a good relationship with her MIL but its not for want of trying....id have given the aul git a kick in the arse years ago....shes missing out on so much with the little kids...

        paul my son was dating this girl for a year..her family live in the states so it wasnt even an issue of her spending more time with them and dragging paul with her, it was more she didnt want to be bothered with things we do.......we included her in everything and i made special time to do things with just her on her own....the girls included her in their stuff too....but we always felt the brick wall and i have to say i wasnt sorry when the relationship ended cos i just knew shed excluded all of us from their lives..so i mentioned it later to paul in conversation...and he sorta said...mom stop feeling threatened...you know i'll always love you.........and im going..thats not the issue paul...i want to know your kids like i do liam, eamonn and niamh, i dont want to be the granny who gets to see them for an hour at high holidays...

        i know even with willie i was always the one who pushed him to go see, call ....talk to, his mother...................i guess its boys and maybe not all of them.....anyways i'll keep hoping lol..

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        • #5
          Gremlins in the computer again

          My mam used to say 'a daughter is a daughter all her life and a son is a son until he takes a wife'

          She (had) and I have no problem with that. My married son is fantastic so its a bonus. He adores his wife and I am so happy they are both so much in love

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          • #6
            you ma and mine said the same thing liz....and your right...it most be so great to see them in love and happy....thing is im just afraid of being disconnected from my potential grandkids lol....mind you yer man would like a bit of peace and quiet and less toys to fall over every day..

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Mykidsmom View Post
              Im puttiing this under health cos its going to affect my health....worrying about it..

              couple of friends and i were talking about kids..grandkids family relationships...and it seems to be the norm that they are very much closer to their daughters kids than their sons kids....none have obviously any apparent problems with their daughter in laws...but seems the daughter in laws gravitate towards their own families...now......heres whats worrying me...i have a very very close relationship with my daughters, son in law and i see the grandkids every friggin day......but my son im very close with too...but im worried..if he gets into a relationship is he automatically going to jump ship to the other family....will i be able to generate a close relationship with his partner, will i see his children regularly i would certainly want the same kind of relationship with his kids as with any of my daughters kids........most of my friends dont seem to have a very close relationship with their mother in laws either?????

              am i being daft? are boys just that other bit more different to girls?
              No, depends, yes, yes, no
              Such is life - Ned Kelly

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Mykidsmom View Post
                you ma and mine said the same thing liz....and your right...it most be so great to see them in love and happy....thing is im just afraid of being disconnected from my potential grandkids lol....mind you yer man would like a bit of peace and quiet and less toys to fall over every day..
                HI MKM,
                I have learned in life to never worrie about things that have yet to come, If you already have a close relationship with your soon, i doth that will change,
                My mother inlaw is a WITCH OMG i could write a book on the things she has done over the 21 years i know her,
                But one thing i never do is talk ill of her in front of my husbad because at the end of the day she is his mother and i would never come between the bond of mother and son, but i am glad in another sense that he also knows what kind of a person she can be


                Originally posted by boxman View Post
                No, depends, yes, yes, no
                Short and sweet hey boxman lol
                http://www.praofi.org traze@praofi.org

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                • #9
                  What ^ he said.

                  (And traze, I know many in the Wiccan community and never met a bad witch. )
                  'Never look down on a person unless you're helping them up'.
                  .

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rashers View Post
                    What ^ he said.

                    (And traze, I know many in the Wiccan community and never met a bad witch. )
                    in life ye get good and bad everywhere rashers same goes to mother inlaws lol
                    Last edited by traze; 16-04-2010, 01:54 PM.
                    http://www.praofi.org traze@praofi.org

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by traze View Post
                      in life ye get and and bad everywhere rashers same goes to mother inlaws lol
                      Ah but bad witches don't last long... mothers-in-law do.
                      'Never look down on a person unless you're helping them up'.
                      .

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                      • #12
                        well said rashers....well said.....i sorta had a strange mother in law myself lol......my biggest fear is ending up like her..it was obvious to all that some of her own children she didnt actually like so it came as no surprise to realize she didnt like her grandchildren either..

                        I suppose your right Traze, but im still a bit scared..ive decided when he does settle down with a girl its going to be almost over the top with liking her hehehe...

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Rashers View Post
                          Ah but bad witches don't last long... mothers-in-law do.
                          My ex's mother passed away long before we were married, and I hadn't a mother-in-law. I understand that might have been a small blessing for me. The woman was alive when we first met....looking back, she'd have been one tough one for me.
                          I believe in.......

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                          • #14
                            Trish.....my money would have been on YOU lol....god love her youd have won every turn..!!!

                            way to go!

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                            • #15
                              Did ya ever hear about the fella that said, "My mother-in-law is an angel"


                              And his buddy replied, "You're a lucky man.. mine's still alive."
                              'Never look down on a person unless you're helping them up'.
                              .

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