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  • Rofl

    .....................
    Last edited by cogito; 28-03-2022, 08:41 PM.
    I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
    Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

  • #2
    ..........................
    Last edited by cogito; 28-03-2022, 08:41 PM.
    I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
    Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

    Comment


    • #3
      A modest Irish young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she
      might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too damn close!"
      embroidered on her panties and bra.

      "Yes Madame," said the clerk, "I'm quite certain that could be done.
      Would you prefer block or script letters?"

      "Braille," she replied, innocently lowering her lashes.
      I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
      Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

      Comment


      • #4
        Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.


        What did the sign on the door on the house of prostitution say say?
        Beat it - we're closed.


        Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".


        Why is air a lot like sex?
        Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.


        Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.


        Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.
        I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
        Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

        Comment


        • #5
          One day, heaven is beginning to fill up (of course due to the population explosion), so St. Peter decides to ask each person a question about the bible before they can enter. Three men stand at the pearly gates, waiting to get into heaven. "How many wise men were there?" St. Peter asks the first man. "Three." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open, and the first man enters.

          "How long did the flood last?" St. Peter asks the second man. "Forty days and forty nights." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open and the second man enters. Seeing how easily the first two answered his trivia, St. Peter thinks of a much more difficult question for the third man. Finally, he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam in the Garden?"

          The man thinks and thinks, but can't come up with an answer. "Boy, that's a hard one," he finally says. And the trumpets blow, the gates open, and the last man enters heaven.
          I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
          Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

          Comment


          • #6
            A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

            The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

            The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor, " she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."
            The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing...."
            I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
            Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by jembo View Post
              A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

              The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

              The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor, " she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."
              The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing...."
              Great stuff Jembo; lol

              Comment


              • #8
                Quinner speaking Russian
                We'll sail be the tide....aarghhhh !!

                Comment


                • #9
                  ........................
                  Last edited by cogito; 28-03-2022, 08:41 PM.
                  I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
                  Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The history of the middle finger salute
                    Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English archers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in future. The native English longbow was made from the native Englsh Ewe tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as " plucking the yew", or "pluck yew".

                    Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and they began mocking the enemy by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French saying " See, we can still pluck yew!"

                    Since "pluck yew" is rather difficult to articulate, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative "F", and thus formed the word phrase currently used in conjunction with the one finger salute. It is also because pheasant feathers were used at the time in the manufacture of arrows that the symbolic gesture is affectionately known as "giving the bird".

                    And you thought you knew every plucking thing!
                    I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
                    Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      DTW bringing joe his pizzap
                      Last edited by cogito; 28-03-2022, 08:41 PM.
                      I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
                      Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland.
                        To keep tradition going, everyone got pissed and the bride's and groom’s families had a
                        storming rage and begin wrecking the reception room and generally
                        kicking the crap out of each other.

                        The police get called in to break up the fight.

                        The following week, all members of both families appear in court.
                        The fight continues in the courtroom until the Judge
                        finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court."

                        The courtroom goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says,
                        "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."

                        The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand.
                        Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a
                        Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride.

                        The judge says "OK."

                        "Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going,
                        so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and
                        I was dancing to the third song when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table,
                        ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."

                        The Judge instantly responded... "Wow.. that must have hurt!"

                        Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers!"
                        I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
                        Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          .........................
                          Last edited by cogito; 28-03-2022, 08:41 PM.
                          I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
                          Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by DAMNTHEWEATHER View Post
                            Quinner speaking Russian
                            Da...

                            I notice how jealous you get about my superior knowledge of history....

                            Get reading you still have time to learn a little bit....
                            Here Rex!!!...Here Rex!!!.....Wuff!!!....... Wuff!!!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Mr. Levy was soon to be 80 years old and his friends didn’t know what to buy him. His wife had died some years ago and he did not go out very often, at least, not with the opposite sex.
                              In the end, they came to the conclusion that Mr. Levy needed a Hooker, so they hired one.
                              She knocked on his door. When Mr. Levy answered she said to him, “Happy birthday to you Mr. Levy. I’ve come to offer you super sex.”
                              He replied “If it’s all right with you, I’ll have the soup!”
                              I google because I'm not young enough to know everything.
                              Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

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