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[Guest]

Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It made of concrete."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "No, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof.
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on ! shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'.

[Guest]

Guy walking on a beach in Clifden when he kicks a bottle, he bends down and picks it up and brushes some of the dirt off so he could read the label, when suddenly a genie comes out of the bottle, "thank you for releasing me” said the genie “I'll grant you one wish" the guy thinks for a minute and says

"I've always wanted to visit my family in Boston in America but as I'm scared of flying and get terrible seasickness what's the chance of building a bridge from Clifden to Boston?"

The Genie scratches his head and says "You're not asking much are you, it's 3,000 miles across the Atlantic isn't there something easier you could ask for?"

The guy thinks for a moment then says " well I'm a 44yr old bachelor and I've never been out with a woman in my life because I don't understand them, could my wish be that I could understand women?"



The genie said
"would you like lights on the bridge?

[joan mack]

John and Mary were going to the movies when they found fifty euro. John told Mary to put the fifty euro in her pocket and they would have a drink on the way home. Mary had no pocket so she put the fifty in her knickers. later when the movie was over and they were heading home., John asked Mary for the fifty euro. She rooted frantically and said "its Gone, The Fifty euro is gone" John said "How could it be gone" Mary said "It must have been that man sitting beside me he must have taken it out of my knickers" John said "Mary you don't tell me you let him put his hand in your knickers" Mary said "WELL how was I to know he was a ROBBER

[silver spoon]

Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It made of concrete."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "No, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof.
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on ! shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'.

brilliant love it Betty l

[silver spoon]

Guy walking on a beach in Clifden when he kicks a bottle, he bends down and picks it up and brushes some of the dirt off so he could read the label, when suddenly a genie comes out of the bottle, "thank you for releasing me” said the genie “I'll grant you one wish" the guy thinks for a minute and says

"I've always wanted to visit my family in Boston in America but as I'm scared of flying and get terrible seasickness what's the chance of building a bridge from Clifden to Boston?"

The Genie scratches his head and says "You're not asking much are you, it's 3,000 miles across the Atlantic isn't there something easier you could ask for?"

The guy thinks for a moment then says " well I'm a 44yr old bachelor and I've never been out with a woman in my life because I don't understand them, could my wish be that I could understand women?"



The genie said
"would you like lights on the bridge?

One to remember

[silver spoon]

John and Mary were going to the movies when they found fifty euro. John told Mary to put the fifty euro in her pocket and they would have a drink on the way home. Mary had no pocket so she put the fifty in her knickers. later when the movie was over and they were heading home., John asked Mary for the fifty euro. She rooted frantically and said "its Gone, The Fifty euro is gone" John said "How could it be gone" Mary said "It must have been that man sitting beside me he must have taken it out of my knickers" John said "Mary you don't tell me you let him put his hand in your knickers" Mary said "WELL how was I to know he was a ROBBER

good one Joan

[joan mack]

Mary went to see her mother in law with her baby son. While drinking a cup of tea with the mother in law. The Mother in law remarked. "Try as I might I can't see a trace of my son in that child"

Mary pulled up her skirt and pointed saying "This is not a feckin' photocopier

[Guest]

2 blokes playing golf. Both on the green with one bloke head down ready to putt. Just as he is about to putt a hearse drives past on the nearby road. He stops his putt, stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. As the hearse drives off into the distance he then returns to his putt and rolls it in. The other bloke says to him "You know, that was very respectful what you did there".
To which the bloke replies "Well, I was married to her for 30 years"