More Funnies

[Guest]

When a space is vital

So a female employee got an expensive pen as a birthday gift from her boss. She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email:
Boss’s wife read the email and filed for divorce.
The email said: Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke. I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it.Thanks a lot.!
Moral: A "space" is an essential part of English grammar!

[kellier]

MAN (answering mobile phone at a Golf Club) : 'Hello'
WOMAN: 'Darling, it's me. Are you at the Golf Club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only

And ?????

[Guest]

For some reason the whole post did not get copied

[kellier]

For some reason the whole post did not get copied

I thought that, something like the problem Rasher is having with his text

[Guest]

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said
"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..I just lost it.
"CASE DISMISSED!!"

[Twobob]

Priest checking in at hotel ......

Priest .... " Good morning , I'm Father Doyle I have a room booked for 2 nights "
Receptionist .... " Good morning Father , just let me check one moment please ........ ah yes , you are in room 402 on the 4th floor .

Pr ... " Could you please tell me what time is the earliest time for breakfast "

Re ... " That would be 6.30am Father "

Pr ... " Perfect ..... also , could you please ensure that the porn stations on my T.V are disabled " .

Re ... " WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT , get out of here ya dirty bastard ....... SECURITY "

[silver spoon]

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said
"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..I just lost it.
"CASE DISMISSED!!"

Good one I

[silver spoon]

So a female employee got an expensive pen as a birthday gift from her boss. She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email:
Boss’s wife read the email and filed for divorce.
The email said: Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke. I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it.Thanks a lot.!
Moral: A "space" is an essential part of English grammar!

Funny

[Guest]

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask you a favour ?
'Of course child, What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought for my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I am afraid they will confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps ?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
"With your face, Father, no one will question you"
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked,
"Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused.."
Roaring with laughter, the official said,
"Go ahead, Father.
Next Please...

[silver spoon]

great laugh it has been a while since we had a lot more funnies

[ob1kenobi.23]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, " Erm no, I’m your son’s teacher."

[bojangles]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, " Erm no, I’m your son’s teacher."

Good one.

[Vico2]

[ob1kenobi.23]

I stayed up late last night reading old magazines & I discovered; now I have back issues.

I struggle greatly to spell Armageddon but its not the end of the world.